The Westin Casuarina Resort & Spa 02/21/2006
Reviewers Rating: Great
My wife and I spent 9 days at the Westin Casurina in Grand Cayman last month. Had a great time, but there are a few things you ought to know.
We also stayed there last year and had an “Island” (read: “Road”) view room. Not bad. A little noise from the traffic, but still quite nice on the balcony. And a lot less money. So, having survived a really crappy year, we decided to treat ourselves to a partial ocean view room this time. You gotta live, right?
Upon arrival, we were pleasantly surprised that we had been upgraded to a full ocean front room. Doesn’t get any better than this, right? So we drop our bags, run over to the sliding door and step out into the beautiful night to hear…the ocean? No. A warm breeze? No. Tropical birds? Nope. Barry Manilow? Oh yes. And at a volume that would make the ground crews at Kennedy Airport file for disability.
This obviously wasn’t gonna cut it, but the bellman assured us that there must be a function of some sort going on at the pool and that the music would be turned off soon (it was already 9 PM). The only problems here: 1. There was no one within 5 light-years of the pool, so how there could be a function? (the workings of my inquisitive mind should be evident here), and 2. As of 11 PM it was still on and the same zero people were still enjoying the same non-function.
I’m happy to report that Barry was no longer wailing the next morning. But Hall and Oates sure as hell were. Off we marched to the front desk, and not in an especially wonderful mood either. When we asked them about turning off the damn music (which was coming from these idiotic speakers installed in the ground around the pool) they looked at us like we were requesting his and hers kidney transplants. And this is despite the fact that we had just overheard someone checking out that morning complaining about the music.
After some judicious questioning of the front desk staff, I learned that: 1. Yes the music has to be on, 2. No one knows exactly why—it just does, and, 3. While theoretically, there ought to be an on-off switch, no one seemed to possess the knowledge of where it might be, nor the authority to flip the switch should it actually be located.
You’re probably thinking: “what about turning it down?” If this is the case, then you must be sadly uninformed about some of the intricacies of modern hotel broadcast systems. Let me explain.
In what must surely be a new anti-terrorism initiative, it would seem that Westin has devised a method for insuring that should an attack on the hotel take place that the music would remain playing loudly. As a scientist, I deduced that this could only be accomplished by installation of a newly-invented titanium-based alloy spring, that, when attached to the volume knob, would return the music to an (un)acceptable level shortly after tampering by some conniving individual (should he be able to find it, of course.) Here is evidence for my theory:
The front desk then placed a call to some genius at the pool, and they informed me that the music would be turned down, which it was—for 10 minutes. Next I spoke to the bellman, who had obviously been through this before. He assured me that he would take care of this “once and for all.” Music once again turned down. Ten minutes later: Rick Astley. Loud. That was it. For $400 a night I am not going to sit out on my balcony and listen to music that was bad enough 20 years ago. The titanium alloy switch had prevailed. Plus, I was worried that George Michael might be next and I would be carted off to the hospital in anaphylactic shock.
So, we got switched to a nice, quiet road-view room and were able to enjoy the next eight days in tropical paradise listening to construction vehicles and motorcycles glide by. But it wasn’t too bad. No aggravation. No hives. No Cyndi Lauper. We actually had a very nice time. As long as we kept away from the pool.
Personal aside to Westin management: What the hell are you guys thinking? Are you TRYING to get me to go to another hotel next year? Did some idiot at corporate decide that somehow this would enhance the vacation experience or somehow appeal to a certain demographic (deaf people?)? Although I readily confess to being a Type A New York a-hole, I know that many others also complained about the same thing during the time we spent there. C’mon guys, use those MBAs. Find that off switch.

Josh

The Westin Casuarina Resort & Spa

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